California's social and emotional learning competencies, explained for parents
Alongside subjects like math and science, the California Department of Education (CDE) publishes guidance on social and emotional learning (SEL): the skills students use to understand themselves, manage their feelings, get along with others and make caring choices. CDE's SEL Guiding Principles describe how schools can support the whole child, and its Transformative SEL Competencies name five areas of skills. They were written for voluntary use, so each district decides how to use them, and they are not graded standards.
Self-Awareness
Noticing your own feelings, thoughts and strengths, and understanding who you are.
- Feelings. Naming emotions and noticing how they affect what you think and do.
- Strengths. Knowing what you are good at and what you are still learning.
- Identity. Understanding your identity, your family's story and what matters to you.
Ideas for home
- Name feelings out loud, yours and theirs: “You look frustrated. Is the puzzle tricky?”
- Ask your child what they are proud of this week and what felt hard.
- Talk about your family's story, languages and traditions.
Self-Management
Handling feelings and stress, setting goals and sticking with them.
- Calming down. Using healthy ways to manage strong feelings and stress.
- Goals. Making a plan, checking progress and adjusting to reach a goal.
- Agency. Taking initiative and showing courage to try hard things.
Ideas for home
- Practice a calm-down step together, like three slow breaths or a short walk.
- Help your child set a small weekly goal and check in on it together.
- Let your child make real choices, then talk about how they turned out.
Social Awareness
Understanding other people, valuing differences and helping everyone belong.
- Empathy. Imagining how someone else feels and responding with kindness.
- Perspectives. Understanding that people can see the same thing in different ways.
- Belonging. Including others so everyone feels part of the class and community.
Ideas for home
- When reading a story, ask how a character feels and why.
- Read books and watch shows about families and communities different from yours.
- Ask your child how they could help a new or left-out classmate feel welcome.
Relationship Skills
Building healthy friendships, working as a team and solving conflicts.
- Communication. Listening well and speaking up with care.
- Teamwork. Sharing ideas, taking turns and solving problems together.
- Repair. Working through disagreements, asking for help and making things right.
Ideas for home
- Play a board game and practice taking turns and losing gracefully.
- After a disagreement, talk through what each person wanted and what could work for both.
- Model a real apology, then talk about how to make things right, not only say sorry.
Responsible Decision-Making
Asking questions, weighing choices and thinking about how they affect others.
- Curiosity. Asking questions and staying open to new ideas.
- Weighing options. Using facts and reasons to choose a fair solution.
- Impact. Thinking ahead about how a choice affects yourself, your family and your community.
Ideas for home
- Wonder out loud together: “Why do you think that happened? How could we find out?”
- Before a family decision, list the options and what might happen with each.
- Plan a small way to help a neighbor or your community, then talk about how it went.
Common questions
No. CDE's SEL Guiding Principles and Transformative SEL Competencies are guidance for schools, written for voluntary use, not graded standards. Some districts mention work habits or social skills on the report card, but how they do it is up to the district.
Self-Awareness, Self-Management, Social Awareness, Relationship Skills and Responsible Decision-Making. CDE describes each one and the school conditions that help children thrive.
They are CDE's short set of ideas for how schools can support social and emotional learning: caring about the whole child, building a fair and welcoming school for every student, helping adults grow these skills too, working with families and the community, and learning and improving over time.
No. Gradelings practices subject skills in math, English language arts, science and social studies. Its kind hints, small goals and calm options can help children stick with hard things, but social and emotional skills grow through conversation, play and teamwork, so we suggest home activities rather than scores.
Ask your child's teacher or school counselor how the school builds these skills and what you can do at home. CDE's website has the full SEL Guiding Principles and the Transformative SEL Competencies.
Next: understand the California report card levels or browse all California parent guides. Gradelings practices subject skills; social and emotional skills grow through conversation, play and everyday responsibilities.
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