New York's Social Emotional Learning Benchmarks, explained for parents
Alongside subjects like math and science, the New York State Education Department (NYSED) publishes Social Emotional Learning Benchmarks: the skills students use to understand themselves, manage their feelings, get along with others and make caring choices. The benchmarks were first set out in 2018 and updated in 2022. They name three goals, with benchmarks for each grade band from kindergarten to 12th grade. They are guidance for voluntary use, so each district decides how to use them, and they are not graded.
Self-awareness and self-management
Knowing your feelings, strengths and interests, and using that to manage yourself and reach goals.
- Feelings. Naming emotions and understanding how they affect what you do.
- Identity. Knowing what makes you who you are, including your family, culture and interests.
- Goals. Setting personal and school goals and working steadily toward them.
Ideas for home
- Name feelings out loud, yours and theirs: “You look frustrated. Is the puzzle tricky?”
- Practice a calm-down step together, like three slow breaths or a short walk.
- Help your child set a small weekly goal and check in on it together.
Social awareness and interpersonal skills
Understanding other people, getting along and building friendships where everyone belongs.
- Empathy. Imagining how others feel and seeing things from their point of view.
- Similarities and differences. Respecting what makes each person and group unique, and what people share.
- Communication. Listening, speaking up with care and working well with others.
- Solving conflicts. Preventing, managing and working through disagreements fairly.
Ideas for home
- When reading a story, ask how a character feels and why.
- Play a board game and practice taking turns and losing gracefully.
- After a disagreement, talk through what each person wanted and what could work for both.
Decision-making and responsible behavior
Making thoughtful choices that keep yourself and others safe and well, at home, at school and in the community.
- Safety and well-being. Thinking about how a choice affects your own and other people's safety and feelings.
- Making decisions. Weighing options and their results to make good choices in school and with friends.
- Helping the community. Taking action to help your school and community, and standing up for fairness.
Ideas for home
- Before a family decision, list the options and what might happen with each.
- Wonder out loud together: “What could we do? What might happen next?”
- Plan a small way to help a neighbor or your community, then talk about how it went.
Common questions
No. NYSED says the benchmarks are guidance for voluntary use and are not meant to grade students. Some districts mention work habits or social skills on the report card, but how they do it is up to the district.
Self-awareness and self-management; social awareness and interpersonal skills; and decision-making and responsible behavior. Each goal has a few base indicators, with benchmarks for kindergarten to 2nd grade, 3rd to 5th grade, middle school and high school.
Children grow these skills at different speeds, so NYSED groups the benchmarks into bands (K–2, 3–5, 6–8, 9–10 and 11–12) and expects children to keep practicing earlier skills as they grow.
No. Gradelings practices subject skills in math, English language arts, science and social studies. Its kind hints, small goals and calm options can help children stick with hard things, but social and emotional skills grow through conversation, play and teamwork, so we suggest home activities rather than scores.
Ask your child's teacher or school counselor how the school builds these skills and what you can do at home. NYSED's website has the full Social Emotional Learning Benchmarks.
Next: understand the New York report card levels or browse all New York parent guides. Gradelings practices subject skills; social and emotional skills grow through conversation, play and everyday responsibilities.
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